Note: Transcript fully created by automated AI
[00:00:00] Angela Lin: hey everyone. I’m Angela Lin.
[00:00:02] Jesse Lin: And I’m Jesse Lin. And welcome back to another episode, mini episode of, but where are You really from? This week we’re gonna do a brief discussion. Primer conversation on what self-love is. I think if you look back at a few of our episodes, we’ve definitely discussed that through the lens of just mental health, getting help.
Also, I feel like this podcast in it of itself is kind of an expression of self-love, right? Where really thinking about our identity, how to like reconcile different parts of who we are so that we come to like a better. acceptance or congruence of self, like feel really comfortable about all these different identities that we come from.
So I love topics like these because it’s so open-ended. The term self-love means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. So I will say, starting off for myself, I think self-love is just like radical acceptance of everything about yourself, including. The thoughts that, thoughts and behaviors that are deemed harmful.
And I’m coming to see that like more and more just like talking to friends and like working through struggles. And it’s funny cuz you don’t really see it until you like talk to someone else about it. But like a lot of my other friends are going through like relationship issues. And when they talk to me about it, I’m like, oh, this is the same thing that I’m going through.
But then I have this like different perspective from like, why are you like making your making yourself feel bad? Feeling bad. Like you already feel bad enough that it say it is like you should just accept this emotion and like accept that it’s a part of like what you’re going through when it’s normal and positive to have a different range of emotions and move on.
So yeah, it’s funny cuz I didn’t really like start to understand it for myself until I started to like see it in other people, but for sure, for myself, I think self-love is really just. Accepting all of the different parts of who you are, your reactions, your emotions, your decisions, and just being okay with that and not judging yourself for those things.
What about you?
[00:02:10] Angela Lin: I love that. Um, yeah, this is a super interesting topic because I did a little bit of like. article reading as we usually do, like some light internet searching, um, on the topic just to see what kind of like different perspectives people have as well. Mm-hmm. , and you’re right, the term self-love is like so open-ended because it can get conflated with things like self-care, um, self-help, uh, self-confidence, self-esteem, like all these different self things,
Um, and I do agree. I think it means kind of like. Bit different of a thing to each person. Something just like interesting that I found, which I don’t know if you knew, is like, there’s like a very long history of this concept of self-love. Um, I think for us as like young people, we think very n. or I at least just like throw myself under the bus.
I think I saw this term of like self-love, self care, like treat yourself essentially like that kind of mentality as relatively newer, like I attributed it to kind of like paralleling the mental health. Movement where we, you know, started focusing on like normalizing therapy and meditation and all these things.
But actually there is like a longstanding history of this idea of self-love and also kind of more like self-preservation also. And then that. Self-preservation kind of lens also lends itself into even more like, kind of more modern takes. So like, um, apparently it was like very big in like the uh, black Panther movement and like people of color Oh, interesting things.
Yeah. Where it was like finding beauty within yourself, despite the majority telling you that like only essentially like white. Like uniform kind of things are beautiful and acceptable. It was like learning to, that’s apparently when like, you know, like Afros were huge in like the kinda like sixties, seventies times.
Mm-hmm. . And it was because it was the first time where that community was really about like embracing their natural beauty and like, Embracing and accepting themselves for who they really are. So that was also like a big self-love movement. And also apparently like feminists were also like really, like the feminist movement was really deep into this idea of self-love.
But it was, my interpretation is it was a lot more about like, Self-esteem and kind of like, um, holding value within yourself so that, because their whole thing obviously was like gaining rights, right? To be equal to men. So it was like seeing the value within yourself and pushing to like gain that respect and the rights that.
They thought they deserved. So it’s like super interesting cause I was just like, oh, I thought this was all like, you know, two 2010s and on kind of like concepts, but it’s actually, depending on how you interpret it, has like quite a history. Yeah. Um, for me, I feel like we are, we are like skewed. I think because we, at least for me, the, like first time I’m really thinking about these concepts of like self-love, self-care were more directly tied to, I would say the last like, 10 years or so where it was like mental health related.
Um, so for me the definition is really more about being kind to yourself. Mm-hmm. And, uh, similar to what you were saying, it’s kind of like having the compassion to see and treat yourself the same way that you would see and treat like someone you care a lot about, like your friend or. Partner or family member because to your point, it’s like we’re always the harshest critics of ourselves, right?
Yeah. It could be like the exact same scenario and you would be yelling at yourself and like criticizing yourself, but you would never act that way to your friend. Mm-hmm. or family member you would say. Really loving and supportive things and it’s like, it is interesting that when it comes to self, a lot of times the default for a lot of us.
do more like self sabotage, where we are being really mean to ourselves. So for me it’s really just about like, how do we apply that compassionate lens that we usually turn outwards more inwards instead.
[00:06:34] Jesse Lin: I love that and I totally, I totally agree with that. Do you, are there certain things that you do kind of every day to remind yourself
[00:06:42] Angela Lin: of.
I think it’s more about celebrating little wins and like, you know, appreciating when I’ve put in more effort than I needed to, or I thought I could. And so I think hearing that enough that like, that’s something I don’t do, it is starting to finally like ignite a small voice in me. Where I have noticed like recently is like the little things, it’s not even like a big thing.
It’s like, for example, I went. . Yeah. Third day. And I hate running like I used to. I used to run, it used to be a thing I do, but like, you know, once you fall out of sync of like a certain exercise routine. Yeah. It’s just so hard to get into. And I was like dying the last little leg, like it was like, I had like one mile left and I was like, bitch, you got this queen.
I was just like, I heard this voice in my head. I was like, you have. Sport. Like you can’t do it. And it was just like, oh, I’ve never had this voice before. So I think it’s like, I love that. Yeah. It’s like what you would say to a friend that’s doing the same thing. Yeah. But finally just like saying it to yourself, it’s, it doesn’t come often.
I think I’d still often, usually, like one of my biggest things I have to work on myself is like, Cultivating that voice, but I am starting to hear it a little bit more. It’s just, it’s not an everyday thing and I don’t have like an routine. Routine per se. Yeah. How
[00:07:57] Jesse Lin: about you? Well, recently my therapist put me on this I’m homework that I’m not doing really great at, well, his, his thing was basically like, take some time to like breathe every day and like.
Remind yourself of things that are like making you happy today and more recently, kind of like what you were saying about the inner voice. I feel like it’s more developing where I get into these negative thought loops sometimes and I get stuck there and it’s that whole like just being mean to yourself kind of thing where you’re just like feeling down and then you like are further down on yourself and the voice is more strong, is stronger Now that’s like.
are you really, like, is this negativity associated with the actual thing that you are not feeling happy about, or is it just. Negativity that sits on top of your negativity. That’s like not connected, like it’s you being down on yourself because you’re down about something else. And that’s become a little bit stronger.
And that’s like helped me break out of some unvirtuous cycles of thought. So that’s definitely something that I am trying to like employ more. And I think there’s a lot of connection to the meditation as well, because it’s all about like noticing changes in your body and your like feeling and all that.
And. I feel like as, as I become more aware there, you’re more aware of the thought loop. Cuz usually what happens is you just, you’re not aware of it and then suddenly you’re stuck in it and you’re stuck in it like for an hour and then you’re like, oh wait, yeah, that was not what I like the where I was intending to go, like with this thought pattern.
So yeah, I think those are the two things, like just. Trying to remind myself on bad days, like things I’m grateful for, and then just breaking the cycle of like negative thought loops before it gets like way, way, way down the line. And then like my day is ruined.
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[00:10:15] Jesse Lin: So I think it’s really interesting because as you mentioned, there are like a lot of different concepts connected to self-love, and I think that there is this idea of like self-love or self-care going too far.
And people like classifying anything that they do as a reaction to something negative as like, oh, this is self-care, or this is self-love. And I do feel like there’s this kind of thing where it’s like people will say, I’m doing something as like self-care, but you’re really just like dodging the problem or you’re like doing something that’s not exactly like great for you.
Um, and that, that’s, I find that that’s also kind of like funny because. Like kind of an antithetical to like the whole idea of like giving yourself, like accepting yourself instead of running away from your problems. I
[00:11:05] Angela Lin: can a hundred percent vibe with that because the other stuff you’ll see on the internet also, if you like Google this topic is like the attachment with between self-care and like consumerism, right?
And like we’re all consumerists over. Americans, y’all. So we buy capital. A lot of shit capital for capitalists. Yeah, for sure. But they’re, yeah, it’s a booming industry. All this like self-care shit. It’s literally like treat yourself, right? It’s like to the extreme where you’re just like, I’m just gonna like, oh, it’s because I love myself so much.
I’m gonna like do my nails every week. I’m gonna like buy this fancy like workout regimen thing to try. Mm-hmm. , I’m gonna like do all these things that cost a bunch of money that’s like supposed to make me feel better. Um, I do. , it’s like everything in moderation, right? So like a little bit of that stuff, in my opinion is, is like healthy.
And it’s good because an an occasional treat you self, right? Like, when you become literally just like you’re just buying shit all the time for yourself, that’s not a treat yourself. You’re just like, I’m just wasting a lot of money. Yeah. And you are, I think you are just kind of like diverting. , you’re, you’re like trying to run away from something.
Yeah. At that point when you’re just like shoving money down, like multiple industries. So yeah, I, I think that’s, that’s a danger zone. And also, like, for me personally, I don’t necessarily veer too hard into like buying a bunch of shit for myself. But for example, like we’ve talked about this, Challenge I had with doing this podcast full-time now is like when we’re in the kind of like quote unquote off season when we don’t have live episodes, it is the time that we purposely build in so that we can rest mm-hmm.
and like recharge. But because I then have so much less workload from like not live editing and posting all this. Content. I have almost too much time on my hands, and so I tend to like veer too far into the like laziness track where then I’m like, I’ve watched so much Netflix a day. It’s like absurd. So I do think you need to kind of like find a balance of like, Things and activities that are like legitimate forms of self-love that are good in moderation, but like, don’t take it to the extreme because then you’re just kind of like put, you know, that’s not really the spirit of self-love anymore.
Yeah. You’re just like indulging really heavily into
[00:13:26] Jesse Lin: something. But I honestly, at the end of the day, like you should treat yourself to the tree things that you want and not feel bad about it, but it shouldn’t become like a, you shouldn’t be self soothing with that purchase, basically. Yeah. I think that’s the.
Difference. So I think we also maybe wanted to talk about a little bit, like if you feel like there’s a difference in your journey towards loving yourself versus My journey. Because you are straight, straight. We’ve never talked about it officially. Oh. Like are you asking for the record
[00:13:58] Angela Lin: or to like ashamed of me?
Oh yeah, I’m straight . Yeah.
[00:14:04] Jesse Lin: And I’m gay. So I don’t know if you found that to be, I mean, it’s also really hard to say like what’s different because everyone’s journey is so different to begin with, but, um, I, I think it’s just like a little bit harder for people that are not straight to come to an acceptance of themselves.
And I think the main reason why is. You don’t really see that many people that you can model your perspective of like happiness and also your perspective of building this idea of yourself and how to like reconcile these pieces of yourself and how to give yourself that like grace and love. And I think that’s the main, like, that’s like the most difficult thing for people who are like in the lgbtqia plus community cuz it’s really hard and like, you know, when you’re, when you’re going.
an experience that you don’t understand. A lot of the times you just go to somebody who’s gone through that experience before and you’re like, Hey, like how did you deal with this? And like, what were the steps you went through to, you know, try to make yourself feel better, kinda like what you, what we do with our friends.
But it’s always much more difficult when you don’t have a person that has gone through that same exact experience. So you never get Exactly. I think. The advice that you’re looking for, you might get like 80% of it where you’re like, this all feels right, but then you feel like you’re missing like a piece of it because the person that you’re talking to just doesn’t have the same kind of experience.
And I think from the gay, I’ll just say gay perspective, that is probably like the most difficult thing because I can tell you for sure aside from, you know, the caricatures you see in mass media, there really wasn’t anybody. of the community that I could be like, and what is your retirement plan? And like, how do you have like planned to have children and like, you know, what were the life difficult, like the largest challenges in life that you went through?
Like I, I didn’t really have anyone like that that I could speak to for a while until I was probably like in college. So, um, so I, I do feel like that is like probably the biggest barrier to finding yourself and self-love. .
[00:16:20] Angela Lin: Yeah, I think your journey is definitely completely different from my journey. I mean, I think the main difference being that you’re like the L G B T Q , like which, uh, community is the queer community, right?
Is like, I mean, it’s not the standard default quote unquote standard default, right? So like whenever you are. , whatever is the quote unquote majority in some whatever lens you’re putting on it, right? It is most common to feel like something’s wrong with you, like, or that something’s lacking in you. Right?
And that’s because other people, that’s what you are hearing from essentially like external factors by like reaffirming that, like there was this. way that is like the most normal and you don’t fit that. So then it’s like how do you learn to love yourself outside of the things that P Society is constantly reaffirming as like the normal and lovable things.
Mm-hmm. . So that totally makes sense to me why it would be difficult to find self-love when you can’t even. Find yourself necessarily rep reflected or represented by like the majority of society. Yeah. Mm-hmm. . So yeah, you, you have a totally different experience for me. For me, like, I mean around this like topic of self-love, right?
And self-care, blah, blah, blah. I would say the only. . The only thing that would make me more exactly the target audience for all this messaging would be if I was a white woman instead of an Asian woman. Right? But like, it’s all like straight white females as like the main target audience towards this concept of self-love, self-care, like Gwyneth Paltrow, for example, right?
Like, she’s kind of like the, the emblem of, of this kind of like phenomenon. So, Whatever I struggle with is just like within myself because everyone has individual struggles, but I think from like an identity standpoint. Totally different from you. Yeah, because I don’t have, like, besides obviously growing up wishing I was white, like I didn’t have other things telling me like, you are completely unlovable and you’re not the normal, you’re, you know, I didn’t have that
[00:18:36] Jesse Lin: so.
On that note, listeners, we would love to hear from you on your experience in self-love. Do you have difficulties loving yourself? What are some practices that you’ve found that, um, really have helped transform how you see yourself and how you relate to yourself? We would love to hear from you. On the socials and
[00:18:59] Angela Lin: come back next week for another fresh new episode.